Thursday, 29 October 2015

Dick - Detetive


Detetive is a traditional southern Brazilian group Nin-Jitsu Community, a martial arts cult commune known for their thought provoking commentary on world affairs, in an interesting mix of music and interpretive dance.

In this poem, the high priest commune's frontman Bro Mudanças, confides in a friend about his dad's job, being a Dick (possibly for the Brazilian police), and compares his dad's daily life to his friend's dad's life, who leads a much saner lifestyle by being a broker. While sounding like boasting to the untrained eye, the use of the verb "to have" in the past tense, the implied message that his dad partakes in ritualistic offerings (by saying that the broker is unable to do so), and citing the morbid possibility of being HIV Positive, Bro Mudanças is actually showing us that he's prepared for his dad's inevitable death on the job, and his dissatisfaction at his dad's apparent disregard for his own life.

While the Commune is based in Alvorada, the 3rd safest city in Brazil (with a relatively low homicide rate of 44 homicides per 100k residents per year), it is a perfectly reasonable concern to the familiies of those employed in Law Enforcement. On top of the inherent risk of being an LEO, his dad's vacations on Far West re-enactments, where usually live ammunition is used during duels, further displays his disregard for his life.


[chorus]
Had Had
Dick
My dad is a dick
Had
Dick
My dad is a dick
Had
Dick
My dad is a dick
But your dad is a broker!

My dad is a dick
And faces legal issues
Your dad is a broker
And doesn't do much
My dad is a dick
Arrests robbers and drug dealers
Your dad is a wuss
That hides behind bookshelves

[chorus]

My dad's a dick
Entered the robber's home
Fired a shot at point blank
That broke the telly
Your dad's a broker
And his a simpleton
Won't even do voodoo offerings
And is afraid of wakes

[chorus]

My dad's a dick
Knows all the cops
Your dad's a broker
And is an habitué of The Booze Breath
My dad's a dick
And doesn't deal with cupcakes
And your dad, seriously
I think he fries tiny Berliners

[chorus]

Had Had
Positive
HIV Positive
Had Positive
HIV Positive
Had Positive
HIV Positive
But mine's negative!

My dad's a detective
And he's been to Punta del Este
And knows the entire Brazil
And takes holidays on the Far West
Your dad's a broker
And works at Grande Venda
On Thursdays he goes to Paraguay
To smuggle G-Shock watches

[chorus]





Wednesday, 21 October 2015

If - Se

Djavan, the biggest composer of the Brazilian Cryptosonic movement. This movement was at its strongest during the iron years, when Brazil was under a military dictatorship, and applying heavy censorship laws. Some artists relied on not-subtle-at-all wordplay to make songs with double entendre, while the artists of this movement relied on writing poems that, unless the listener had the correct encryption key, made no sense at all.

On encryption systems, it's technically impossible to distinguish encrypted data from random bits, and on Cryptosonic music, it's impossible to distinguish a song with a hidden message from someone just picking random words from the dictionary. It's believed that 90% of songs were just fluff to confuse eavesdroppers, while the rest of songs were instructions to Soviet spies trying to infiltrate our Glorious Nation. We're not saying that Mr. Djavan's songs are random junk, or that he's a soviet spy, but there's a very high probability of that.


You said you don't know if no
But are also unsure if yes
Wanna know?
When it's like that, let it come from the heart

You know I only think about you
You said you live thinking about me
Might be, if it's like that
You have to let your hand go of no
Release that crazy woman, burn in passion
There's no way it hurts to decide
Just say yes or no
But you venerate an if

I take it seriously, but you're disguising
You tell me "a lot", and I'm horrified
And you remind me of the southern cold
Insist on 0x0, I want 1x1

I don't know what's up with you, don't want my heat
Saint George, please, lend me the dragon
It's easier to learn Japanese in Braille
Than for you to decide whether you'll give it or not

Thursday, 15 October 2015

Midfielder's move (Ah! Fanfan fan fan) - Passinho do Volante (Ah! Leklek Lek Lek)

This impressively long piece by Federated MC and the Fanfans, known for the hit "The Dislocating Move", a cautionary tale about overly complex choreographies. In fact, when performing that song live, Federated MC dislocates his shoulder so the pain in his voice is real.

Unlike that hit, tho, this is a purely commercial song. It was written in 2012 as a Jingle for a very aggressive campaign by the #23 fan manufacturing company in Brasil, and in those ads, Midfielder Arouca was the pitch man, and was shown dancing around huge fans. It should be noted that ads announced an interesting offer: upon purchasing a electrical fan, customers would also get a manual fan (Leque, or as Mr. Federate prefers to spell, Lek), which came in quite handy during the horrible blackouts that haunted our Nation.

While the official cause of the blackouts was never disclosed by the government, our sources say it was an experiment to reduce violence, as it's well known that most drug dealers are afraid of the dark.


Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan

Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
Spinning spinning spinning to a side
Spinning spinning spinning to the other
Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom

This is the new move for everybody tie themselves
It's very cool, anyone can order it
And it's Rio de Janeiro's revelation
If you learn, you'll be a boss forever

In the communities, this move has exploded
Even the auntie is dancing, granny and grandpa too
But pay attention, now I'll teach you
The midfielder's move, so you can be a boss too

Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
Spinning spinning spinning to a side
Spinning spinning spinning to the other
Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom

On the move, on the move
On the midfielder's move

On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom
On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom

Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
Spinning spinning spinning to a side
Spinning spinning spinning to the other
Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom

This is the new move for everybody tie themselves
It's very cool, anyone can order it
And it's Rio de Janeiro's revelation
If you learn, you'll be a boss forever

In the communities, this move has exploded
Even the auntie is dancing, granny and grandpa too
But pay attention, now I'll teach you
The midfielder's move, so you can be a boss too

Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
Spinning spinning spinning to a side
Spinning spinning spinning to the other
Aaaaaaaaah fanfan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan fan
On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom

On the move, on the move
On the midfielder's move

On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom
On the midfielder's move
I want to see the whole prom

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Mobile unlock code - Senha Do Celular

Brazilian culture, as we all know, it's a very paternalistic, cisgender, heteronormative and other weird adjetives that Tumblr likes to use that makes us all feel a little guilty inside, so as a product of such a vicious culture, we sometimes get weird pieces that shock those living in more advanced countries, such as our dear readers in Burkina Faso or Chad.

In this piece, Mobile unlock code, by the critically acclaimed duo Henry and Jacob, tells us of the trials and tribulations of a man whose female property significant other dares to deny him his constitutional right to check on her mobile. While untrained eyes might believe that his concerned that she's having an affair, the careful wording chosen by the authors shows us that he's mainly concerned that his slave love has obtained property through illegal means, or is owing money to someone (possibly a loan shark or a con man), for which she is clearly ashamed, as no rational human being would face the charges of "Withholding information from one's owner" (New Brazilian Criminal Code, 2013), which at its lightest bans one from having plastic surgeries or enjoying carnival for 30 years.

In the end, it's unclear what exactly she was holding out from her master husband, but given that she has a secret webpage, I am led to believe that she was conducting some sort of shady business.



If she doesn't let me get the mobile
It's because she's cheating
And lying
She has something

If she doesn't let me get the mobile
It's because she owes someone
She's tricking me
With someone else's talk

I found the mobile unlock code
And all I've seen has hurt me
I went to your page and your Whatsapp™
I've read all your messages

I now understand her despair
That she even takes her mobile to the loo
Turns it off when I'm next to her, claims it's discharged
Or that she forgot the charger

If she doesn't let me get the mobile
It's because she's cheating
And lying
She has something

If she doesn't let me get the mobile
It's because she owes someone
She's tricking me
With someone else's talk